Fostering Siblings: Matching, Bedroom Sharing and Fees

Keeping brothers and sisters together is one of the most meaningful things foster carers can do. Sibling placements protect relationships that predate care, reduce trauma, and often lead to better stability over time. But they also raise practical questions about matching, bedroom sharing, and how fees and allowances work when more than one child is placed. Here’s a clear, carer-friendly guide to help you plan with confidence.

Why sibling placements matter

Separating siblings can compound loss: new home, new school, new adults—and now no brother or sister to lean on. When siblings stay together, they bring shared history, a familiar voice at bedtime, and a built-in ally on difficult days. Carers also gain more insight: patterns in behaviour make more sense when you see the sibling dynamic. That said, not every sibling group should be placed together; careful matching is essential to ensure each child can feel safe, seen and supported.

Matching sibling groups: how decisions are made

What information you should receive

Before you say yes, you should get a written referral that covers:

• Each child’s age, health, identity needs, education plan and any safeguarding considerations.
• Relationship dynamics (who cares for whom, who copies whom, who clashes and when).
• Contact arrangements with birth family and how siblings have managed contact previously.
• Any professional views on whether the children should be placed together, separately, or with structured contact.

If details are missing, ask. Good questions include: “What triggers arguments?” “How are conflicts resolved?” “Who needs the most 1:1 attention at bedtime?” “What works well at school?” Clarity at this stage prevents surprises on day three.

Saying yes—or no—safely

It is okay to decline a match if:

• Bedrooms or sleeping arrangements can’t meet policy and safety expectations.
• You lack the training/support for needs described (e.g., significant trauma responses).
• The timetable (school runs, contact, therapies) exceeds realistic family capacity.

A thoughtful “no” protects everyone and keeps you available for the right group.

Support that helps

Sibling placements benefit from:

• Early multi-agency planning (education, health, social work) and a clear crisis plan.
• Scheduled 1:1 time for each child to reduce rivalry and allow private worries to surface.
• Consistent de-escalation strategies across home and school, so children get one set of signals.

Bedroom sharing for siblings: what’s typical

Policies vary by local authority and fostering agency, but common practice includes:

General principles

• Many services prefer each foster child to have their own bedroom. This protects privacy, dignity, and safety, and makes it easier to record and manage routines.
• Sibling bedroom sharing can be agreed where it is safe and appropriate—typically following a risk assessment that considers age, developmental stage, history, night-time needs and safeguarding concerns.
• Opposite-sex sharing is usually not permitted beyond a young age; same-sex siblings may share if safe and suitable. Age thresholds differ locally, so always check your agency’s policy.

Practical considerations for sharing

If sharing is approved:

• Use two single beds, separate storage and clear personal zones.
• Agree a settle routine (lights out, reading, music) and a plan for night waking.
• Record any incidents or worries factually and inform your supervising social worker promptly.
• Review the arrangement at each supervision—sharing that worked initially may need to change as needs evolve.

Babies and very young children

Night feeding and monitoring can affect bedroom planning. Some services allow short-term arrangements (for example, a baby in your room for an initial settling period) under clear risk-assessed guidance. Get this in writing and include it in your safer caring plan.

Day-to-day life with siblings: routines that work

Routines and roles

Siblings often arrive with established roles—“the helper”, “the clown”, “the quiet one”. Gently rebalance by:

• Giving each child a task they can succeed at (not always the eldest).
• Rotating privileges and responsibilities to prevent one from becoming the perpetual carer.
• Scheduling individual time (even ten minutes) so no one feels overlooked.

Reducing conflict

• Predictable structure reduces flashpoints. Post a simple timetable for mornings, homework, screens and bedtime.
• Offer choices with boundaries (“Shower before or after story?”), not open-ended negotiations.
• Praise co-operation between siblings—catch them being kind and be specific about what you noticed.

School and contact

Sibling groups may attend different schools or have overlapping contacts. Map travel and timings before you accept the placement. Where possible, coordinate after-school clubs to limit daily mileage, and ask your supervising social worker about mileage claims and contact support if schedules become unmanageable.

Fees and allowances for sibling placements

Allowance vs fee—know the difference

• The allowance is to cover the child’s day-to-day costs (clothing, food, utilities, activities, transport).
• The carer fee/skill payment recognises your time, skills and professional role.
  These are separate lines. Some agencies quote a combined figure; ask for a breakdown so you can budget and compare fairly.

How payments usually scale for siblings

• You should receive the allowance for each child, reflecting their age band.
• Many local authorities and IFAs pay additional carer fees for sibling groups (e.g., a higher fee for the second or third child, or an enhanced overall fee recognising complexity and capacity required).
• Expect separate or enhanced payments for birthday, holiday and festive periods per child, plus mileage for school, contact and activities. Keep receipts and logs.

Tax relief

Foster carers benefit from qualifying care relief (QCR) which combines a yearly fixed amount with a weekly sum per child. This often means little or no income tax on fostering income, especially with multiple placements. Keep accurate records and follow the self-assessment guidance; if in doubt, speak to an accountant experienced in fostering.

Saying yes to the right sibling group: a checklist

Home & bedrooms

• Do we meet room requirements or have a written exception/risk assessment for sharing?
• Is there space for separate storage, desks and quiet corners?

Capacity & timetable

• Can we cover school runs, contact and appointments without constant crisis juggling?
• What backup do we have for overlaps and emergencies?

Support & training

• Do we have access to therapeutic parenting tools and advice?
• Is there a clear escalation route for behaviour that escalates at night or during contact?

Money & admin

• Have we seen the allowance and fee breakdown per child in writing?
• Are mileage, equipment, holiday/birthday payments clear—and how do we claim?

Recording & safeguarding

• Is our safer caring plan updated to reflect sharing, bathroom routines, visitors and babysitting?
• Do we understand how to record incidents factually and who to inform?

When together isn’t best—and how to stay connected

Sometimes it’s safer or more therapeutic to place siblings apart. In that case:

• Advocate for frequent, meaningful sibling contact (face-to-face where possible, with video or phone in between).
• Share school photos, certificates and stories both ways so children still celebrate each other.
• Keep language respectful—avoid labelling one child as the “problem”; focus on needs and safety in neutral terms.

Working with professionals: make the plan visible

Ask for a written placement plan that shows:

• Bedroom arrangements and review dates.
• Education plans, transport, after-school activities and who does what.
• Contact schedule, who supervises, and contingency arrangements.
• Support on call (out-of-hours), and what happens if dynamics deteriorate.

Pin a home version of the plan on the kitchen noticeboard (without confidential details) so routines are predictable for everyone.

Final thoughts

Fostering siblings can be incredibly rewarding—children arrive with a teammate already in their corner, and you get to watch bonds heal in real time. Success hinges on honest matching, safe sleeping arrangements, and clear finances that recognise the real work involved. Ask for full referral information, ensure bedroom plans meet policy (or are risk-assessed and agreed), and get payment structures in writing—allowances for each child, any sibling group enhancements, and how extras like mileage or equipment are handled.