Therapeutic Fostering and PACE: Skills for Trauma-Informed Care

Children come into care carrying experiences that can shake their sense of safety and trust. Therapeutic fostering is a way of parenting that understands this reality and responds with calm, consistency and curiosity. The PACE model—Playfulness, Acceptance, Curiosity and Empathy—offers a simple, memorable toolkit for everyday interactions that help children feel safe enough to heal. This article explains what therapeutic fostering looks like in practice, how to use PACE moment-to-moment, and how carers can look after their own wellbeing while providing the secure base every child deserves.

What Is Therapeutic Fostering?

A relational model, not a placement type

Therapeutic fostering isn’t just a label for certain placements—it’s a way of relating that can be applied in mainstream, long-term, short-term, emergency, or parent-and-child fostering. The core idea: behaviour communicates need, and connection is the first response.

Safety and regulation before behaviour change

When a child is dysregulated, teaching or consequences rarely land. Therapeutic fostering prioritises safety, co-regulation, and connection so the brain can return to a state where learning is possible.

Understanding the PACE Model

Playfulness

Playfulness is the warm, light tone that says, “You’re safe with me.” It’s not about jokes at a child’s expense; it’s about softening the atmosphere. A playful voice, a gentle grin, or a silly shared moment can defuse tension and make hard tasks feel manageable.

Acceptance

Acceptance means welcoming the feelings (not the behaviours). You can say, “It makes sense you’re angry,” while still holding a boundary about throwing things. Acceptance reduces shame and helps a child feel seen.

Curiosity

Curiosity asks, “What might be going on for you?” without accusation. Instead of “Why did you do that?”, try, “I wonder if maths today felt scary after last week’s test?” Curiosity invites reflection rather than defensiveness.

Empathy

Empathy is the felt sense of “I’m with you.” Naming emotions—“That was a tough goodbye; I can feel how heavy that was”—builds trust and helps children borrow your regulation until they can find their own.

Using PACE in Real Situations

Morning routines

Mornings can trigger anxiety—school, expectations, peer worries. Try: “I’m noticing shoes are tricky today (curiosity). I get it—Tuesdays feel big (empathy). Want a timer race for socks? Winner chooses the song (playfulness). It’s OK to feel wobbly; I’m not going anywhere (acceptance).”

After contact with family

Contact can ignite grief, anger or guilt. Instead of pushing for details, start with empathy and acceptance: “Goodbyes can hurt. I’m here.” Later, use gentle curiosity: “I wonder if something someone said kept circling in your head?” Keep playfulness for when the child shows signs of readiness; don’t force it.

Homework flashpoints

When perfectionism or avoidance appears, curiosity opens the door: “I’m guessing the first question looks like a mountain.” Then playfulness shrinks the mountain: “Let’s try two-minute sprints with snack pit-stops.” End with acceptance: “If it’s too much today, we’ll talk with school—your feelings are valid.”

Core Skills Every Therapeutic Carer Builds

Co-regulation before self-regulation

Children learn to calm by borrowing your steady breathing, low voice and relaxed body. Sit nearby, slow your pace, and match their rhythm before gently leading it down.

Naming and normalising feelings

Build a shared language: colour zones, feelings charts, or simple scales (“1 = calm lake, 5 = stormy sea”). Normalise: “Everyone gets stormy sometimes. We can ride this out.”

Predictability and micro-routines

Trauma thrives on unpredictability; healing thrives on structure. Use micro-routines—same breakfast seat, pack bag the night before, a “check-in” at the door—to reduce decision fatigue and prevent flashpoints.

Rupture and repair

Ruptures happen. The repair—“I lost my cool; I’m sorry. You matter and I’m here.”—teaches that relationships can bend without breaking.

Boundaries, Consequences and PACE

Boundaries are part of feeling safe

PACE doesn’t mean permissive. Clear, calm boundaries (“We don’t hit; we use words”) contain anxiety and protect everyone.

Natural and restorative consequences

Prefer natural (you break it, we fix it together) or restorative (how can we make this right?) over punitive. Keep the tone curious and empathic so the child can learn without shame.

Everyday Tools That Work

The regulate–relate–reason sequence

In a meltdown, don’t jump to lectures. First regulate (breathing, movement, drink of water), then relate (PACE statements), then reason (problem-solve once calm). Skipping steps usually backfires.

Sensory strategies

Offer sensory input to anchor the body: chewy snacks, a weighted lap pad, movement breaks, soft lighting, or a “calm corner” with fidgets and blankets. Invite, don’t insist.

Visual supports

Timetables, now/next boards, and simple checklists reduce uncertainty. Pair with playful timers or stickers so visuals feel supportive, not controlling.

Micro-praise and descriptive noticing

Spot effort like a commentator: “You kept breathing slow even when you were cross. That’s regulation.” Frequent, specific recognition strengthens the behaviours you want.

Team-Around-the-Child: Working with Professionals

Use supervision actively

Bring short observations—what happened before, during, after. Ask for PACE-consistent strategies, training refreshers, and help aligning everyone’s responses.

Align home and school

Share co-regulation signals with teachers (e.g., a calm card, five-minute corridor walk). Plan for transitions, exam stress, and safe spaces. Consistency across settings speeds progress.

Health, therapy and step-up support

Work with GPs, mental health teams or therapeutic services early. If needs escalate, ask for a multi-agency meeting to update the plan and agree clear roles.

Recording Through a Therapeutic Lens

Facts first, judgment last

Describe observables: “threw cushion at 5:12pm after phone call,” not “was manipulative.” Add a short PACE reflection: “I wondered if the sudden goodbye was a trigger; we used breathing and a snack; settled by 5:25pm.” This style helps both care planning and court standards.

Track patterns and wins

Note triggers, successful strategies, and recovery times. Include positives—kind acts, self-soothing attempts—so the record tells a balanced story of growth.

Caring for the Carer

Spot compassion fatigue early

Warning signs: irritability, dread before contact, numbing, or sleep disruption. Tell your supervising social worker; respite and peer groups aren’t luxuries—they’re protective factors.

Your regulation is the child’s regulation

Sleep, hydration, movement, hobbies, and time with supportive adults are part of the care plan. Use brief resets (box breathing, a walk to the bin, five slow stretches) during tough moments.

Build your support circle

Map practical and emotional support: friends for school runs, another carer for reality-checks, online forums, and local groups. Share PACE language so the whole network reinforces the same approach.

Bringing It All Together

Start small and be consistent

Choose one routine (bedtime, mornings, homework) and apply all four PACE elements there for a week. Notice what changes. Add the next routine once the first feels steady.

Keep the long view

Trauma healing is non-linear. Expect steps forward and back. Celebrate micro-wins: quicker recovery after a wobble, a new feeling word used, or a calmer school morning.

Make PACE your default tone

Over time, PACE stops being a technique and becomes your everyday stance: warm, accepting, gently curious, and deeply empathic—while holding clear, safe boundaries. In that relational space, children learn that adults can be predictable, feelings can be survived, and home can be safe enough to grow.